A person of my past, 4 years ago came back into my life! Haha. Fateee?

Awesome day at work! Experience. Gonna be all mushi mushi here. I miss my DATE big time. A year to go. All afraid! Im serious! What if.... Gahhh! I know i should be concentrating on my studies but i can't!

I'll a promise to myself! No more distraction at all! Even if i'm lazy to study! I need to bare in mind that! I'm doing this for mum! For my future! I need to get good grades to fulfill my life dream! Seriously! Go aisyah! Be a smart bitchh!

Starting tomorrow! One hour of english every sgl day! And 3 hours for a subject of either sci or maths! And an hour of either geog or ss! You can do it! Complete tys! You go girl! 

From the above picture, obviously this is going to be a mushi mushi post. Sorry guys. But I need to and have to.

Yesterday was our very 1st Anniversary. You broke the record of all the guys I ever dated or went on a stead with. But I really find this complicated, our r/s I meant. Half of the duration of our r/s, we've not been meeting, you inside and me, out here. To be frank, this six month, I've not dated anyone. I don't know why I can't. I just feel that I'm cheating on you, even if it was just a meet up with my guy friends. I don't know if you feel the same way like I do. And furthermore, we're having troubles with our letter, I received yours twice but you insisted it was your third letter. I sent you my very first letter to you, but I guess they rejected them. Some people think that I should just move on, do you know how sad that makes me feel? seriously, yes, I AM EMOTIONAL! But I'm happy that mum, cousins, nuriha, to be frank those I called family are there to support me, and insist that I wait for you. Guys asked me, why do I have to wait for you? You're not near perfect at all. Based on academics, you suck. Based on look, frank, you don't have one. Based on cheating, dude you cheated me 5 times, but I still held on. And especially with the reason to your case, why did I even choose you? Why do I have the urge to wait for you?

Firstly, you're sincere. Secondly, you accept me for who I am. Thirdly, unlike other guys, your motive and their's of getting to know me, was different. All the other guys want was lust, but you? Not even a single touch or persuasion on getting into lust. Even when I started to kiss you in you know i know way. You pushed me back. Tell me, which fucking dude would do that? Fourthly, you respect my reputation. Fifthly, you try to win Mum's heart by obeying her every single rule. Sixth-ly, you are willing to do any activity at almost any hour with me. Seventh-ly, you are patience with my attitude, despite all the shits and tantrums I throw at you, even when it was not your fault, you still held on. And chilled! like always~ Eighth-ly, No matter what my mood was in, you try your very best to make me smile and laugh! Ninth-ly, you changed! for the better, and try your very best to change, cause you know I hated those attitude of yours. Lastly, every time, when I misjudge you, you would take an extra mile to prove me wrong!

Out of those 10 points I've stated, I doubt so any other guys would have that 10 out 0f 10 points I just stated. People may see the imperfectness in you, but frankly, you imperfectness are perfect to my eyes, and your imperfectness are the ones that made me more attracted to you.

Can I go somewhere to relax? Or maybe to have fun? 2 weeks of holidays and I ain't got any plans. Can I at least have 2 or 3 days of fun? Please, and I promise, the rest of the days, I'll stay at home. My hair ain't getting any straighter, even though I went for rebonding. I wish to keep long hair please. YAY~ Can I go sheesha please? Can I have dinner or lunch at pizzahut? Can I go hang out with old mates like old times? Can I have dinner at Newton Circle please? There is still lots of stuff that I can wish for seriously.

Family is doing great; next big event would be BrotherKhairul's marriage *can't wait*. WAIT! Hari Raya Aidilfitri first. Then BrotherKhairul's marriage. The best thing about Hari Raya Aidilfitri is the bond! and secondly the MONEY. Who hates money? Haha!

Okay I'm really outta words. IMSAR :)

Hello, just got home from Aunt's place *smile* My current mood: delighted~ Yepp. All my cousins and family are sleeping over. Alhamdulillah. May this 3 days 2 nights, be an awesome *like always* or a fine one. Currently my eyeballs hurt, I think I should get some eyemo tomorrow. And I need to get a slipper. And, ohh got, there's lots of things that I need to get. NO!!! The important things are eyemo and text people the address of my chalet :) Ohh yahh, my cousin from KL is already here, hope he have a blast, Maybe, just maybe, I'll upload my chalet pictures at Facebook. Well; I know there's no reader, but still, this is the place where I can express stuff :) Nights people, gotta rest.

People who can't stand mushi-mushiness, this is not the post for you to read :) whyy? Cause I'm going to type whatever is in my heart for this special dude here, Syed Akbar Rafsanjani, SAR.

Dearest Syed Akbar Rafsanjani,

you know me better than any other guys, don't include my family obviously. What I meant was, among all the guys that I've dated or go on a stead with, you're the only guy that understand me, and try his very best to take care of my feelings. You may not be the guy that every girl wish for, to be frank, you're not even my taste, but your personality and your sincerity towards me, just opened my heart to accept you. After so long, a guy managed to open the doors of my heart, that has been shut for so long. I'm grateful that you happened to be in my life story, and I wish you would played the role in my life forever, but I believe people come and go, right? I know it would be great if I could just say all these sweet words right in front of you, or even write them in the letters, but trust me boy, I'm just not brave enough to show you how much you meant to me. Seeing you leave would be the last thing I ever want! People see us, and they go, " awww, sweetnyer korang!" or they'll go, " cute lah korang together, match gitu" but they don't know what I have to went through, and what you have to went through, to grow the love between us, to build the trust that was once ruined! We took a step by step basis. You never gave up when I already did. You still wanted to prove to me! And now when you're gone, I'm missing you damn much. I guess it is true, when someone says, " when he's gone, you'll start to realise" But trust me, I'm not regretting. If my love for you is sincere enough, then when the day you walk out of those doors, my status will still be 'reserved for SAR' :')

I missed playing in the rain. Fall and injured my friends/ myself. Ever tried crying in the rain? IT HELPS! trust me! I am no expert in this whole crying and emoing, but trust me it helps to make you feel good especially when you're down. Cry with a smile! I am being so random here. What's with posting in english right? Especially nowadays, I'm trying to improve my English here! And hopefully it helps.

My birthday celebration is nearing, I'm having a pinch of disappointed, excited and afraid. Afraid that the celebration wouldn't work out great. Fine would be good actually. Wtv it is, I know I have my family and cousins to cheer me up when needed. Excited to spend my longs days with cousin, bonding and laughing! Disappointed, they promise and plan so many stuff, but when the time comes, guess what? THEY BACK OFF! I don't know what I should say, seriously. If I were to give my comments, then people will go, " OH GOD, YOU'RE STILL A KID!" then I'll go *silent* Then they'll go " You know nothing, you don't understand" but I really think that they should listen to what a kid has to say, about her feelings! I wanted this celebration so badly, because I want spent my time with my cousin, and guess what? A family won't be there for the whole 3 days and 2 nights.! I just can't elaborate how I feel. You make me all excited, and now? I'm hoping things would turn out fine! Aisyah is on the sad mood! nyehh! changed!

I guess, it's okay, right? I have to think matured-ly right? I knoww. Aisyah has to put herself in their shoes, but the reasons are so not REASONABLE! It was planned 5 months ago! 5 MONTHS! not 5 days! blearghhh! okay done!

I want enjoy myself before I start my intensive revision on my own during or maybe after the June holidays. Actually I'm bored! And I'm posting an entry to keep myself away from thinking stupid and sweet stuff :) I guess I should turn to sleep now.

chalos!

Lots Of Love;

Siti Aisyah.

Life is like a rainbow, sometimes things to get all bright and sometimes things to get all dull. But the truth is, it depend on our own decision. We have the choice, it's in our hand. We decide on how we want to see things. *smiling wide* In any circumstances or any problems, it's really our choice. We live our life,so we decide, and never regret. ! No point regretting, you can only choose to learn from the mistake you've done. Random? I know. How is it even related to me? Well, I've gotten back my MYE result. Neither did I do very well nor very badly for my paper. I manage to pass at least 4 subjects. *claps* but even with the passing marks, I don't even think that the grade I've gotten, would get me to any polytechnic. I made my decision to study for the MYE, I didn't do well, so what choice do I have? I can either give up or study harder, right? So what is my choice? I need to make the choice, no one can. right? Well, I really don't know. *smile wide*

*look above*

These are the people that I wish to thank. They are giving me their support and help for the preparation of my 17th birthday celebration. They are trying in every way to make it a success one, I know they wish to make it a memorable sweet 17 for me, especially with all the not supportive cousin around, giving excuses. I really appreciate, and even if it doesn't turn out perfect, I just want to say that I'm grateful and thankful for your hard effort. Thanks for sponsoring stuff, and still wish to buy me gift.

They: " Aisyah want what for your birthday present?"

Me: " Aisyah just want you people to be there, make my day even if things turn out bad!"

*tearing* I'm touched really. I don't show. My big brothers are the best, and the most awesomemess cousins ever! you may have better than mine, but trust me! They're imperfect people that makes my life seems PERFECT!

Aunt and Uncle, you stood by my side all this while! When mum was not there to listen, you both were there. The first person I would always share my happiness and sadness with. THANKS! You may not shower me with gifts, but you showered me with love. *kiss kiss*

MUM, you're my world, you don't seem to see it. But trust me, you're my number 1 girl! Without you, I don't think I'll be sitting here with all the results that I'm getting. I don't think I'll have lots of awesome experience and memories. Please stay! Don't go! You know I still need you! :) Iloveyou,mum! Yes, I'm lazy and stuff. But you know I'm still your lil baby girl, that still wants you to do everything for her. I can do it myself, but I still want you to do it. Cause things ain't the same if it was my hand.

AWESOMESS PEOPLE that makes me AWESOME! *smile*

I guess, God is trying to prove me something right here.

The one main question that popped out of my mind was, 'Why lie?'

People lie for a reason, so what is you reason?

Perhaps your's was just an excuse to your disappearance.

I don't know really. I know this small tiny little thing, should not be bothering.

But it does, not to the greatest extent, but just to an extent that, i really want to know you reason for lying to me.

Is it worth it lying to me? Or is it just gonna create another argument/hatred/misunderstanding between us.

With all your actions, now I know where I stand and play apart in your life. Really.

I'm not jealous nor am I angry. I am just DISAPPOINTED.

I know you don't provide me much, nor play the most important part you are suppose to play.

I neglected you, yes I did.

But I really thought, things between us were going smooth.

Not! I assume. HAHAHAHA.

I'm trying my best to convince myself that, you're just another person passing by my life story and ruining it.

But you're not, you're gonna be in my life story forever.

Oh godd, the least you could do is EXPLAIN!

AND STOP LYING WOULD YOU! :D

I need to have a sense of determination in myself. I'm going no where with my current attitude right now. I need to change my attitude, be it towards study or anything else. I've got to get rid the laziness in me, right away. Got to get rid of the laptop too. Thus I've asked Mum for a favour, to place the laptop in her room. With the current state I am, I don't think I'll be able to achieve the result, I want to achieve. No one will change anything, I have to start the change.

Ohhh attitude, I really need the Secondary3(retained) attitude of mine back. And I'm having sleeping disorder. I get so tired at school, despite the long hours of sleep. No matter, how hard I try to keep myself awake. No more energy drink for me, please. I want to get over with my 'O', I don't wish to retake my 'O', seriously. Do it once, do it well.

Hopefully there's an improvement, after laptop is taken away from my hands. ;)

Hellooo. I know many are not reading my blog.

Well few days back, I chatted with someone. It has been such a long time since we chatted. I agree that changes do happen in each and everyone of our life, be it for the better, or for the worse. But somehow, the attitude of oneself can only change depend on themselves. For us, we never change, I love the way she was before, and she is how she was. I really missed those times, where the two of us were everywhere together, despite our age difference we could still get along very well. We started sharing stories and we even talked about the past. And that make me realize how much I've change and how much I miss the old me. Well, I did change for the better. But back then, I had a blast. I had fun. I really did. I don't wish for the past to happen again, but I'd would wish for the future to be better. A better or havoc life after my 'o' *insyallah, amin* I really want to meet her. Effing excited for the time, where we can sit and talk. *like old times* HAHAHAHAHA. Not only did I miss my past, but I'd also miss my past, hanging out with mummy and her friends till late night, going on holidays. But sadly, all of us are busy. So we've got no time to meet each other.

I've just realize how'd much I miss him and love him.

When he was around, things were different. I've always had someone by my side. I knew regardless of anything he will be there. I'm testing my faithful-ness right now. Am I able to wait for you? IDTS. Really. But at the same time, no other dudes are able to replace you. GOSH! and this sucks.! No guy is able to tolerate my nonsense like you did. No guy is able to act my age, and be all childish. No guy is able to come down to my place just to accompany me for lunch/dinner. No guys is able to hold their appetency. And no guys is able to respect me like how you did. Even if they are well-educated or rich, one thing they're not able to do, is to keep me laughing like how'd you did. Or maybe hurt me like how'd you did right? *wink* I'm really expecting you letter. And Ibu has been talking about it. I think ibu miss you! hahahha.

Hellooo, it has been weeks since I last update my blog, and yes, I'm aware that nobody is viewing my blog. *sob*

I know I' am suppose to make my own choice.

But I simple can't.

There were no promised made, but I feel bad.

I really do. It's not far for you, I know.

Trying my best, really.

I don't feel good about this, really.

Someone like you are meant to be treasured, I will, really.

We've made this promise, only between you and me.

No one knows anything, except for you and me.

I know they try to understand but they can't.

And I know, when they say they understand, well, the truth is they don't.

*cry* We promise to be the bestest of friend didn't we?

*look above* ITS SYED AKBAR RAFSANJANI~

I really have this feeling that you forget my address *giggle*

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AWESOMEEEE *wink*

Hellooo; I miss the people above seriously. ♥♥♥ I miss working with them, laugh with them, everything about them is being missed. Seriously. Outing soon, and I really hope I can make it, and it doesn't clash with anything.

Today, Mum helped me clean my room, then I helped her clean the extra room. Shift my wardrobe to the extra room, emptied my room, why? Going to paint my room tomorrow. *smile* Then this week, going to order some furniture for my room, and yes, I forget to take my before picture, but never mind. Mum has been a great help. Really, And she has been spending lots of cash on me. Mum thanks, I really don't wish to disappoint her.ILY.

So Olin has been coming to my place for 2 days, and maybe, he'll be coming tomorrow with abang. I likeee.♥ And Uncle Vetri and his friends are gonna help me with my room, thanks much and appreciated. Mum cooking for them fish curry. *smilee*

Currently waiting for Nas to call me, if he's gonna take a long time, then I suggest I better sleep. Oh and I'm planning to make myself busy, like really busy. Not sure if its a good thing. And yes people the previous post is posted by my dearest Olin, but half of it is fact, the other half is lie, so you guess which is lie, and which is not.

sad day

today i eat alot and many people say i'm fat, i felt so damn sad like want to cry also have :'(

Hellooo; Missing someone doesn't mean you still love them right? Okay, I miss this dude. Totally. At first I totally felt nothing, until Mum had to talk about him. Have you ever had a picture film in your mind ever? Well, that was what happen after mum talked about him. Those memories, laughter, fights and arguing we had. I come to realize that I really enjoyed spending my time with him. I still remember how we started off. *laugh* We dislike each other during our first met, how I knew him? Ayul Vanquish. *thanks* But we still continue to meet each other, we only started to have feelings for each other, on our first proper date, which falls on National Day 2010. That was when he realised we were cute for each other, and the first time I realised I'm super comfortable around him. So we continued dating, he would be MR SANGGOP, why? He would even come to bukit btok, just to accompany me eat. LOLS. sweet though. Hahaha, we had lots of fights, until this one day, we had a huge misunderstanding, so I decide to let him go, since that, he always made the effort to make things work out, why? cause Aisyah give up already. Few months past, then we've got news about him attending court case, so we decided to be friends, officially friends, not him, but I made the decision, I didn't want to promise him any empty promises, I didn't want to hurt him. Thus we've agreed to be friends till today, really wish to hear from him soon. IMYSM ;)

Hellooo, CNY celebration at school was alright, there were two competition, the spring cleaning of class and also the MASCOT. So our class were divided into two groups, one group in charge of class deco while the other group for the mascot, we were supposed to have an hour for the mascot preparation plus the ready of mascot, so our class decided to do a baby rabbit, though it doesn't really look like a rabbit. We were supposed to use recycle items to make the mascot. Am glad that the class contributed, they were all putting their 98% effort/hard work. Our plan was to use a towel for the diaper, cardboard for the ears,that was the idea at first, but things changed, due to no available of towel at the very last minute, so people started to give idea, Melissa saw Mr Lee's plastic bag, so we made use of her idea, on using it to be a pampers, then we used red packets to wrap the plastic bag, then we started to think about making the mascot cuter, so we decided to do a bib for the mascot, we used a small towel, Shiya's and Syuhaidah's smiley badge. The thing joining the diaper together, * you know what* idea was from Amiirul, made by Syuhaidah. The cute bunny tail was Melissa's hard work.And the Ears, made by Hadi. We only had 30 minutes to do everything, draw, paste red packets all over, doing the tail, and stuff. I am so proud of the class for working together. Really. They tolerated my bossiness. Thanks. And for the deco team, you guys/girls did a fantastic job. Really. I'm not able to share their experience as I was busy with making of the Mascot. So skip skip skip, so the show or 'contest' started, at MPH, We obviously cheered for our class. COMMON sense! Our Mascot was one of the finalist, and there were great mascots too, awesomee, seriously, especially the secondary 3's mascot. So after the finalist were chosen, there was a supposedly small 'show' which was super _l_ *pathetic* *cough cough* then the part where everyone was excited for, was the announce of the winners, fourth, third and second was won by some Secondary 3's classes, I forget what class, So when they were to announce the first place, we were like, ' confirm 44 win, they answered the questions well and their mascot outfit was alright' but we were so wrong, instead the winner is '4A' HAHAHHHAHA, thus I am proud of my class, despite the last minute work and effort, we manage to make an outcome and also hit the JACKPOT. *smile wide wide* I really wish that the whole class would be this way for like, forever? Can?

Firstly, happy belated birthday to me dearest cousin/lovee/bestfriend. !7th birthdayy. And hope you love the gift from all of us. And dear Muhd Sholihin, I dont want anything to change about you. I love the way you are. Seriously and honestly. I love it when you make me smile and laugh, like no one was there to care about. I love how you'd keep my secrets and never tell anyone. And yes, my dark secrets are with you. I love it when we talk rubbish. And I love it when you come down my place just to spent quality times. And I really love you. I know you won't be reading this. But atleast, I've said it all. *SMILEE*

Helloooo*smilee* *look abovee*; I miss this two girlfriends of mine, being part of my life. Huda&Era. Era the only person, Huda can get along with. Okay! I miss those 'lepak' moments, seriously. I really wish we could meet up soon. *wink*

And yes; my printer plus scanner is working pretty well. *i liokeee* Just printed Design&Technology stuff; pictures I meant. So I have 9 problems, left with 1 problem, and now all I need to do is to identify the problem. Shall get it done by Wednesday; the latest. Wednesday, I'll be having 'Mole' Test, Thursday? ' Light' Test and Saturday, 'Maths Revision Sec 3 test'. So three test in a week, so what does it mean? Aisyah only free on Sundayy. My time is occupied with studies! *loveee muchh*

Tomorrow, will be going for lunch with Miraidora, Syaff, Syu & Nuriha at seoul garden. So hopefully I remember to bring my camera. So I can test it out *wink* Yes people, I'm pampered.

Okayy, and guess what? Koochy Syu, is in my class. We thought we're being separated, blah blah blah. cut short, we're happy that we're in the same class and really hope that we can help each other in the near future. YES! *wink* And yess! I still love my gile clanz in class. Aisyah no forget korangg. *muacksss*

Shall update, if I have time tomorrow. *smileee*

Helloooo; Mummy say I used to have long tongue until i pierce my tonguee. Aaawwwwww;*sob*; Okay; I think I'll be cancelling my birthday celebration and make it a sweet 18 instead? *wink* Okayyy, Mum bought me printer, camera and comforter. Thanks mummy ILY. these were all last minuteee plann. GAH! I am nervous for Syuhaidah till to the extend, that i dreamt about it! LOL much! I knoww, I really don't know what to update. Things are not so interesting anymore. *smilee widee* Mum also bought me chicken essence and cook my favourite dish today. *sweetassspermakakuu*

Hello again? People are always excited upon knowing/waiting that their birthday is coming soon; hoping to get wishes; gift; keching keching; awesome celebration. Yes; I used to have this feeling and thoughts, but as years pass; my birthday celebration sucks! Seriously; I always needed to plan my own birthday celebration; which is so not cool, and once I've planned and inform people about it, they would back up at the very last minute; or my plan won't be a success one or how'd I wish it would be *sob* Last two years was the worse; then last year; I decided not to have an outing. Why? Cause I was afraid things would not go how it would go. Okay; it is sad, seriously. And it has been ages since I receive a 'PROPER' gift. But still; not to forget; Syaff bought for me mascara ;) that was what I wanted. So gyeahhh; I can't help it but remember who gave me stuff. I simply don't know why. Even if it doesn't cost much; to me; it is always about the thoughts. Even a simple card would be alright. And I hate it when people say/promise to do stuff but they don't. Okay this is actually not the main point. Straight to the point;

This year;Insyallah, Mum wants me to have my sweet 17 by organizing BBQ or CHALET. It would be an advance birthday, and hopefully it would be a successful one, amin. *smile*

Those invited would be my secondary schoolmates; few of my people; family; cousin and etc. Well; I know it is still too early to post about it, so it is not confirmed, once it is confirm, I'll sent out invitations. So those who are invited; don't foget my gift. Lols. I think I'm done here. Feel free to tag my tagboard. *wink*

Hellooo; Aisyah hair is now black *wink*; Why? Cause I've started school. I really wish to type long post but I don't if I should post it online. Btw thanks to Toad and Bibik for accompanying me yesterday. It has been such a long time since we met. I've visited NYP and RP; And currently lost; why? cause basically; Im not interested in anything; seriously. I don't know what I want, and I don't think I should think about what course I wish to go instead just study well and maybe who knows I'll be able to go somewhere. Classmate has start their revision already; but not me.

I really wish 2011 would be a better year than last year. *smileee*