Hellooo,

Everything is changing. And I'm not sure if I'm liking it or NOT. I totally HATE it when Boyf has $$$$$, like totally.He totally forgot about me and all he know is to ENJOY. Okay,I don't blame him, I know I can't enjoy with him. I have curfew and I need PERMISSION. But he on the under hand is under probation. When I show my care and concern towards him, telling him not to do this, he did behind my back, just to have his freedom, and now on my side, I have given it to him, and he is not liking it, I am so not sure what he wants. If he wants his freedom, I want mine too. Plus he has this habit of not telling me where he is heading, so why should I on the other hand report 'strength' to him. If he wishes to be fair than this is fair. The whole club thing wasn't an issue of this freaking miss understanding. He has been lying to me like forever, and when I don't trust him, he would get angry. But how am I suppose to trust you dear boyf? I don't care if you want to flirt, cause you have never been serious in us. Whenever I point out your mistake, all you did was to say sorry and do it again. I feel like I'm utterly no one to you. Am I just a girl who you wish to stay by your side until you're 'out'. If that's what you're thinking, then I'd rather you leave me.You have always thought that I wasn't happy of you going to club, well that is not the issue. I totally feel like a joke to you. You make fun of me, don't back me up when your friend criticize, so am I you girl or not? Or just the temporary girl you've plan to be with? I am so not understanding our relationship nor am I understanding you. Time out? Easy for you to say. I have been tolerating this shit for almost 5 months now, and all you say is 'TIME OUT'. Fuck you! I really wish that I hated you, hated you so much that my ears would bleed upon hearing your voice. GOSH, but I can't, and totally can't. How I wish you would shower me with your love instead of showering me with vulgarities of your's. How'd I wish I would be the one to shout at your face saying that 'IT'S OVER' but I can't. Am I not being the girl that you wanted. In my opinion, you have been steping on my head, dating 4 girls in 5months? What I did? Tolerate your nonsense and make you do the decision. If you wish to ditch me, ditch me nowww!! pleaseeee!!!

I know I expect you to change like totally, but have not been totally patience. I have been thinking what I ever did to you, mistreated you or something? But I cant think of anything. But people Boyf has not been totally that bad okay? He has almost always be there for me,make me laugh and stuff. I guesss. :) And I still love him. And perhaps it's my fault that I don't know/want to show him that he really means alot to me. We're both wrong in this situation.

Okay, I sound so mushi mushi and emo shit, but I m not able to share it verbally to anyone, like seriously, plus not much people or few i might said that read my blog. So gyeahhh. :)

Aisyah is so freaking relief right now.